In My Humble Opinion, We Should Nuke The Midwest

I have a complex relationship with America, but like so many of my fellow citizens, it needs to drastically reduce its midsection. Enough is enough.

It's not all bad though, we can still save Colorado. It will be made into its own tropical island in the wasteland that used to be the Gulf Coast. This is set to go through Congress in the form of a bill in 2011.